Encore Thoughts

We went to Abby's place yesterday to see some freelance writing sites.
I know that Mommy will love it, pangtanggal na rin ng stress coz
by some unfortunate incident sa previous office nya.
Kinulit kulit ko talaga sya para malaman lahat about the sites.

Hmm! I hope mabilhan ko sya ng bagong laptop that she really
wants. Hay! hanngang sana nalang muna si Daddy. Di bale,
malay mo makatisod ako ng envelop na may breads.
Un ang unang una ko bibilhin.
Para naman maging maganda just incase ituloy nya ang
work na yun. I think Mommy got pretty excited about it.

I love you Mommy.

I got a text from Mommy yesterday asking me if we can meet somewhere.
I texted back and confirmed. We went to Mr. Donuts and talked there.

I felt that Mommy's really disturbed about what happened back at their office.
As Mommy started saying something, tears begin to flow. I'm deeply saddened
about what I heard. Its an office issue, with her office mates. I know a little
about Mommy's office mate that is why I got shocked by what happened.

How I wish I can say or do something for her that time.
That is the first time, (I think) I saw Mommy like that. Mommy usually doesn't
mind other people business, being alone is no big deal for her.
That's why I know something goes wrong.

I let Mommy file her resignation. I don't wanna see Mommy like that. Mommy is not like
me who can deal with those kind of people. I don't mind being "bastos" and
I just don't sit and don't mind if someone talk about me behind
my back. If I heard something like that, I'm gonna kill them with my
words. Agent or not.

Mommy, I'm here all the way. Just talk to Mommy Em's so she'll know what
happened. Don't go w/out telling someone, hindi ka naman matatahimik.
I hope I did something, even just a little to make you feel better.
I love you.

After almost 2 weeks of off, dito na uli ako sa station ko.
I was surprised, alot of changes were made. Wala ng MBAM,
3rd party tools and TeamViewer. Grr! This will make TS alot
harder.

May bagong TS flow but I'm not familiar with it, wala pa kasi
akong proper training pro according to some tech's here parang
tanga lang daw ang tools.

So panibagong adjustment na naman. Hmm.

Tsk! Job Offer ako yesterday sa 27/7. After expecting, expecting and expecting about the good benefits and salary from this company, I got dissapointed. Hindi naman ganun na gaya ng ine expect ko, tumaas lang ng 2k from what I'm getting now. Pro sabi nya, kung tutuusin nga malaki na yun. Totoo naman, eto nga pinatos ko yun pa.

Pro ewan ko ba, ayaw ko sa company na to. Call me stupid kasi nagpunta ako then spent my precious time taking the exams and interviews then after nun, wala na. Sa totoo lang dapat maging masaya na ako sa offer na yun pro ewan ko, hindi ako natuwa.

1. Siguro dahil may ine expect ako o kaya ayaw ko.
2. Masyado yatang mabigat ang work na yun para sa ganung offer.
3. Madami nagsasabi na power trip ang mga trainor dun (ayaw na ayaw ko pa naman ng ganun, nagmumura ang isip ko!)
4. Panibagong officemate, policies and training na naman, not worthy yata para sa 2k tapos may tax pa. (I think!)
5. Hanggang ganun nalang ang offer.

Sa dinami dami ng sinabi ko dito, sigurado sasabihin mo. "Bakit mo tinake e ayaw mo pala, tanga!" Oo nga naman, bakit nga ba? Sagot ko, hindi ko din alam. Nagulo lang ang isip ko, buti sana di nalang ako nag punta dun.

1. Baka di ako hiyang sa account, ISP kasi. Nakahawak na din ako ng ganun, sa West kaya alam ko. Ayaw ko talaga. Baka mangyari na naman ung nagyari nung nasa Pitcairn ako, halos i drag ko sarili ko para pumasok.
2. Hindi na pwedeng ganun, may pamilya na ako. Di katulad dito, kahit minsan napapamura ako sa sweldo hindi ko naman naramdaman ang ganun. Kung wala lang mangyayaring di inaasahan, hindi ako liliban sa trabaho.
3. Marami pa...

Ang dami kong worries if lilipat ako, yung siguro isa sa mga dahilan. Ewan ko ba, ang gulo gulo ko kaya siguro naiinis sya sa akin paminsan. Hindi ko din naman ma explain, ayaw mag function ng bibig ko. Hayaan ko nalang ito, nagkayayaan lang naman magpunta dun. Iisipin ko nalang na walang nangyaring offer, kung magka leche man dito hindi ko isisisi sa sarili ko.

Dear Mommy,

It was a roller coster ride again.
I though it was over, glad its not.
Sorry for doing the mess again, it was all a joke but
I know that it is foul and I don't have the rights to explain.
Everything that you've said gave me shakes,
it thought I'll gonna loose you.

Dad

I won a few but I've lost bigtime. Yun nga nagsugal ako, kagustuhan ko lang naman is to end it so I can start brand new.
Before I asked you to please tell me so I'll know, but you said that its for me to find out.

"I get tired of understanding why he's like that. I get bored in his company now, tired of hearing his senseless topics, tired of riding on to his interests that are far different from mine, tired even of watching his types of movies with him."

Okey! You got bored, then it confused me. Post dated March 2, prior to this date I think we're okey in someways.
We even had a dinner, e! I enjoyed every moment of it. I was happy, knowing that somehow... in my own way's, even without
you telling me things, I made you happy.

But after I read this, it freaks me out! Behind those smile, thing's that we've done then you still feel this pala. Pro siguro true nga that I can never make you happy even I try hard.

I know the thing that I need to do, no need to remind me. Its just that I sometimes asked myself, especially when I read your blogs if you still love me? or maybe you don't that's why you don't see and appreciate thing that I normally do.

Most of the time asked you if you love me. You simply says "Cguro, bakit?". Bakit? it's because I wanted to know, I want to know how you really feel. I want to know how to be the person you really wanted. I'm tired doing trial and error thing. I just simply want to be the "person you wanted".

I wasn't given a chace to meet FM personally, actually I still have my casette tapes w/ me that he promised to sign. He replied once to me thru his multiply site saying "Sure! let's sign them". I got pretty excited then. I really wanted to watch EB with my wife and hopefully I'll meet him there. I was sudden by the news the other day that FM passed away.

I was shocked.I knew him thru his music, I was a fan. Since, the Yo! era my Tito's and I listened to his songs. Even my Nanay gave me a Yo! pendant back then, t'was cool! I still know the Mga Kababayan steps since we once performed that during our elem x'mas party. Highschool, was Kaleidoscope era. Everyone from our school sings it, I got a lyrics too at the back of my notebook. Girl Be Mine and Cold Summer Nights ,my all time fav. The way FM rap/sing and performed it just amazing. The colla w/ Parokya rocks! FMCC tee must have. Indeed, FM is a true legend. He's music and legacy will live on.

"You can't talk peace and have a gun" - FM, Kaleidoscope World